This will be short and sweet, today.
I just wanted to talk for a minute about being in a good place. When you say “I’m in a good place.” isn’t it funny how it has nothing to do with where you literally are? Well, that’s true for me, at least.
When I really break it down and examine it, it has nothing to do with how much money I have, where I live, what my kids are up to or whether or not my relationship is panning out. It has everything to do with how I feel about me.
Right now, I am in a really, really good place. I feel healthy, calm, happy…I am content. Irritations still come up, but I don’t need to hold on to them right now. I just brush them off and forget about them, the way I ought to. My older daughter still tries to push my buttons, but it’s a lot harder to do. My little one is on the fast track into the terrible two’s. The other day, she threw a fit the likes of which I have never before in my life seen. I did a few things to try to calm her down, and when they didn’t work, I simply sat her in her crib and walked away. She was fine in a matter of minutes. A month ago, I would have been sweating with anxiety, screaming at everyone around me to “Help!”, making everything a thousand times worse.
My boyfriend and I are really struggling right now- I have no idea what the future holds for us. Yet strangely, I am okay with this, too. It concerns me, of course- I love him, and I wish I knew how to solve all of our problems. But I don’t, and I can’t, and it is the way it always has been. It will either work out or it won’t, and I’m okay with waiting until the right time to figure it out. Still, I am good. Happy, at peace, level. Clear as a bell.
Every morning, I get up before the sun and walk my beautiful black lab, Lucy. For me, this is like a moving meditation. I think a lot about my life- what I want to do with it, what I can do now, where I want to go. I think a lot about writing- I am working out a storyline for nanowrimo, a month long writing event that starts November first. And I do a lot of NOT thinking, just moving, just being. I walk along the ocean and watch the sky and the water lighten, little by little. Lately, I have started running for about half of the length of my walk. If you are capable of thinking while running, I’d like to hear your secret. On second thought, keep it to yourself. I think enough the rest of the day.