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Oh, You Guys…

I know it has been a really, really, really long time since I have written. It’s been about as long since I have had the desire. But yesterday was my birthday, and I’ve been doing some things to better myself, and I guess it was a good combo, ’cause here I am.

This past year has been horrendously hard. I have struggled, as quietly and privately as possible, with my issues with addiction, with my unhealthy relationships, with heart break and heartache and stuff you can’t even begin to imagine. Stuff so hurtful I couldn’t even write about it.

I woke up this morning, and the pain was still there. But I found that it is further away, and that I am wrapped in something softer and sweeter, and I think it may be the grace that comes with time and forgiveness, and a clear head. I am so grateful for the raw pain to be less than it was, for the glimmer of hope, the idea that maybe, even if my life does not end up the way I wanted it to be, maybe it will still be good. I am more grateful than I can express for that tiny little hope.

I can tell you this- I am not going to jump through hoops to make someone love me, knowing the love you get this way is never going to be one you can lean on when times are hard. I am going to be who I am, the best self I can be, and try to have faith that this is enough. Something tells me it will be.

And that is all for now. I have a birthday party to get to (at work)!

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Author:

I'm a single mom living life fully after years of intense addiction, trying to navigate life with grace-and failing spectacularly, sometimes. Learning to be a grown up In my 40's, without losing my lust for life, or my faith in humanity. Come, watch the antics. It should be fun (for you, at least).

3 thoughts on “Oh, You Guys…

  1. So glad to hear that you’re feeling a bit better and seeing some reasons to hope again. I know you’ve been going through some tough times, and I also know how hard it is to feel creative and expressive when life just seems to keep pummeling– it’s like you just want to curl up in a protective ball, pull your world in tight and shut out the rest. I’ve been feeling a bit like that myself lately, and have found it tough to find the motivation to blog. I know I’ll be back on a more regular writing kick eventually.

    And yes, definitely– be the best self you can be and, for any partner worth your time, that will be more than enough… at least, that’s what I tell myself too 😉

    Hope you had a wonderful birthday and that the party at work is kick-ass and fun!!!
    –Ben

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