Liebster, New House, Worrisome, Kind of Racist Paragraph. (What? I am TIRED, I can’t think of a better title. Goodnight.)

So, this is the first blog…the first ANYTHING, actually, that I have written in my new house. I have to admit, it’s a pretty fresh little pad. I have a real front porch, where my rickety, old, wooden bench thingy sits, and I am way up at the very top of a hill, so I can see the whole city laid out before me. I can see all the way into Monterey, almost, and I can see Carmel Hill, and how steep it really is. If you don’t live around here, you will just have to take my word for it, it’s steep. And yes, I’ll admit, the neighborhood isn’t quite as…it’s a little less…it just seems slightly more frightening than my mild and monotone Pacific Grove home. But it’s new, and new things can be a little scary, sometimes. Especially at night. When you have a gigantic yard that your house sits right in the middle of, so your neighbors, whoever they are, can’t hear your screams for help as you are being murdered. Not that I have lost any sleep over that or anything. And yes, there is an axe near my front door, a baseball bat next to my bed, and I had my landlady put in extra locks on all the doors. But I am just cautious, that’s all. And besides, during the daylight hours, I am not even a little freaked out. I do use the peephole prior to opening the door, but, I mean, that is just being smart.

Okay, fuck it. I’m not fooling anyone. i am a little scared over here. The truth is, and you can do whatever you want with this information, I don’t care- I am one of the only white people in my neighborhood, and this is a new experience for me. I am definitely not a prejudiced person, so don’t get all weird on me, now. I have just noticed this, and noticed, also, that it makes me feel a little…different. I have tried introducing myself to my visible neighbors (there seems to be some kind of mechanic operating his business right on the street across from my house. I wouldn’t recommend him though, he has been working on the same car for about…the entire time I’ve lived here. And by “working on”, I mean “staring at the engine without actually doing anything”) and did not get a very warm or welcoming response, except for one really nice Hispanic lady who lives across the way- she seems wonderful, but there is a language barrier. Which is just sad, on both of our parts. But anyway, I’m sure you will all think I am some racist now, and I’m not. I’m just not used to standing out like a sore thumb. Well, I am, but for different reasons entirely.

Okay, awkward racist speech over now. The point is, my house is cool. My neighbors are charm resistant. And my neighborhood is on the lower income side, which, actually, is why I can afford this big ass house. Anywhere else in town, and it would go for a thousand bucks more a month. But what I really want to talk about is my Liebster Award. I was nominated well over two weeks ago, and mentioned it in my last blog. I believe I said I would get to it “tomorrow”. Never believe me when I say that. Again, the other day, I was gently nudged by the person who nominated me, Annie at http://underandoveraroundandthrough.com/ (I really hope I did that right). I am not sure exactly what that means- according to HER blog, it’s like a German word for sweetheart or something? So I got the sweetheart award, not a small feat for a woman who says fuck as much as I do. Anyway, she nudged me to acknowledge and, perhaps, I don’t know…fulfill my part of the bargain, which is to:

1. Thank and link the person who nominated you.
2. Answer the questions given by the nominator.
3. Nominate 10 other bloggers.
4. Create 10 new questions for the nominees to answer.
5. Notify all nominees via social media/blogs.

(I am so lazy, I literally just copied and pasted that.) So, Annie, consider yourself thanked, and linked. I will get to the questions in a minute, but here is my caveat- I am not a very considerate and dedicated blog-person. I don’t have much time to write, let alone read other peoples blogs. I may be able to come up with a few bloggers to nominate, but probably not ten. So if you ARE a considerate and dedicated blogger, and you know of someone who deserves an award, can you send me a link to their blog? And I will check them out, I really will, and maybe follow and nominate them. I don’t know how else to do this, other than, you know, putting a bunch of effort into it. I mean this is supposed to be a goddamned award, not a part time job, right? (I am totally joking) (mostly).

Now, on to the questions:

1) What is your favorite book, and why?: This is one of those damn questions that I feel I just can’t answer without further direction from the asker, much like “what is your favorite color?” I don’t have a favorite color, and I don’t have a favorite book.  I like all of the colors, and most of the books. Well, a lot of the books. Just as I have a favorite color for kitchens in houses built in the 50’s (yellow, with red accents), I have favorite books for certain seasons, moods, and stages of my life. I loved “A little Princess” and “The secret garden” as a kid, and I still do, but they aren’t my favorite. I really love Eat, Pray, Love, and have read it four or five times. But I also love Harry Potter, The Last Apprentice, and The Help. Mostly, I like books that aren’t overly serious and pretentious. They must be something I can relate to, in some way, no matter how far fetched the plot is.

2)Did you believe in Santa as a kid? Were you crushed when you found out the truth?: Before I begin, I would like to point out that this is actually TWO questions, Annie, you cheater. So…yes, of course I did. I am so glad that I didn’t have any asshole older siblings to ruin it for me, like I did to my brother, and Aisley did to her MUCH younger sister. Not that Camryn believed her…but, was I crushed when I found out the truth? Nah. I think the truth just sort of absorbed into me gradually, so it wasn’t some earth shattering moment. It just kind of came to me, over time.

3) Do you have a favorite smell?I think everyone should. What is yours? Just like the book question, I refuse to be pinned down to only one favorite smell. I loved the smell of my babies, and the scent of my ex’s top lip- whenever we would kiss, the smell of him was better than any cologne. Although, being from the era that I am, I do love the smell of Drakkar. I love the scent of Lavender, especially if I’m somewhere snowy, and I love the scent of pine trees on a warm day. I love the scent of cold leather, because it reminds me of my mother when I was a tiny girl, and the smell of gum, cigarettes, and cologne, because it reminds me of my dad. I love the way the people I love smell, I guess, more than anything else.

4) If you could choose only one person to live with you on a deserted island for the rest of your life, who would it be, and why? The true answer would be: I would rather die than be stuck on a deserted island for the rest of my life. I can’t even function when the power goes out for an hour. And the next answer would be: I have two kids. There is no way I could choose, so I would have to disregard your rules and take them both. Sure, they would both be miserable,  but I don’t care. At least we’d be together.

5)If you could choose one person to punch in the face, who would it be, and why? That’s easy. Nancy Grace. Why? Because she is an asshole, and a bully, and a loud mouth, and she always looks like she just smelled something bad…and when you look like that, and act like that, someone needs to punch you in the fucking face.

6)What is one daily essential item you could not live without? It’s a toss up between mascara and coffee. And my phone. Probably coffee, so I don’t kill people/

7)Do you have a favorite tv show? Nope, I really don’t. I have a four year old. The only times I can watch tv are, like, now…and I would really rather be sleeping or doing this.

8)You just won 100 million dollars. What is the first thing you do? Quit my job. Duh. Then get really, really paranoid.

9)What makes you laugh? Thankfully, just about anything, myself included. Things that should make me cry, make me laugh. Life is absurd, unfair, and really, really, stupid sometimes. If you can’t laugh…you’re pretty much screwed.

10) As a reward for finally being recognized for your awesome brilliance, you get to rule one country for the rest of your life. Which one do you choose? ( I paraphrased this question. I’m tired) : A) That seems like a terrible reward to me…Like my work giving away spots in the Big Sur Marathon. How bad can a prize be? B) but if I had to choose, I hate to tell you, it would be here. I don’t care enough about anywhere else. Maybe Mexico, but not because I care about Mexico, it just seems like they need a little help down there.

Okay, that is it for now! Have a lovely tomorrow, since today is pretty much circling the drain right about now.

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3 thoughts on “Liebster, New House, Worrisome, Kind of Racist Paragraph. (What? I am TIRED, I can’t think of a better title. Goodnight.)

  1. I LOVE your blogs/writing. I admit that I’ve slacked off on reading them, but I’ve been chasing that Organizing Monster and I’ve almost caught him. But we’re talking about you. I love the way you write. I don’t mind if you say Fuck a lot because I do too. And let’s not forget that I consider your mom one of my very best friends of all time. (psst…your mom has a potty mouth sometimes) Keep up the blogging and writing and raising those two beautiful children of yours. I’ve got your back. XOXOX Duffy.

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  2. Bwahahaha! You’re hilarious… Love your Nancy Grace answer because… well… DUH. Hope you start liking your new home a little bit better soon. (That totally didn’t make any sense. It’s Monday. I don’t care.)

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