Posted in Blogging, family, fun, funny, humor, kids, Learning, Life, motherhood, Musings, parenting, People, women

*Real Quick

sleeping alone
This is not me, but totally how I feel about Cam sleeping in her own bed!

I promise I’m not going to start posting every single day, but just real quick, I want to share a couple of things:

1.) You GUYS!!! Camryn slept in her own bed last night, for the whole entire night! I tucked her in and climbed into my own (large, uncluttered, stretch-out-able) bed, thinking I’d better get some good rest while I could because she’d be crawling in at some point. Well, I was wrong! I got up this morning to find her fast asleep right where I’d left her. It was stunningly anticlimactic. I mean, we just went to sleep in separate rooms. But the truth is, this is a big deal. I will miss her, but boy do I like sleeping alone!

2.) I put a chair together yesterday. This also might not sound like a very big deal, but I assure you, it is. The last time I tried to put something together on my own, it was a bookshelf, and I think it was probably ten years ago? I worked so hard on that sonofabitch, and when it was done it looked like…either it was drunk, or it’d been put together by a very drunk person. Which I was not. I don’t think. Although, it was ten years ago, so I guess that’s a possibility. I am pretty sure I cried with frustration. This time, I also almost cried with frustration, and perhaps had one small moment of blind rage where I briefly had the urge to fling the whole f***ing mess against the wall, hopefully shattering something, but…I did not do that. I did learn that an Allen wrench can be used from both ends. I wish I’d figured that out a little sooner. It would have made those bolts going in a whole lot easier. But the important thing is, my new office chair is amazingly comfortable, my back will be happy, and I did it all by myself. I’m sitting in it right now. It’s my new best friend.

*I was going to post a picture of the chair here but I can’t seem to do that, so just imagine a really squishy, comfy, awesome office chair with tons of neck and back support, and one arm that leans out a little more than it probably should. Pretty, isn’t it?

3.) I have heard a lot of talk about “bullet journals” and I just want to ask…what the hell is a bullet journal? I’m afraid to look it up, because I always want everything, and it sounds a lot like a sneaky planner…is that what it is? Because I have sworn off expensive, complicated planners. In 2018 and 2017, I purchased incredibly expensive, elaborate planners, and both of them have NOTHING written in them past February. It’s not like you can just try again the next year with a planner…if you don’t use it, it’s just a totally useless book. I mean, I’m obviously going to look it up anyway, this bullet journal, so…look out, I’ll probably be on the bandwagon by tomorrow. Crap.

Everything else is going swimmingly around here! Hope the same for you!

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Posted in Addiction, anxiety, faith, Goals, Holidays, inner peace, Life, manifestation, Mental Health, mindfulness, People, recovery

With a Grateful Heart

a grateful heart
courtesy of Pinterest and littleleaves.com

I woke up way too early, as usual…but I am not going to get all worked up over it. This is just who I am, and I have accepted it. I’m an early riser who has become a super early riser over the past few months. I think partially it developed as a way to save a few precious hours of peace for myself, while my older daughter and her boyfriend were staying here. This time is so important to me. I’d do just about anything to preserve it, including waking up in what is basically the middle of the night.

I did, however, get to usher in the New Year last night! I set an alarm for 11:55, and Cam and I got up long enough to do the count down, scream “Happy New Year!” once, hug each other, then scramble back to the warmth of the bed. Last night was her last official night sleeping with me. We are both more than ready to go our separate sleeping ways, but with the extra people here the past few months, we didn’t really have a choice. So tonight, I can sleep diagonally, the way I do when she is at her dad’s house. She’s a tall child, and such a bed hog, and I feel guilty for saying this, but I sleep SO much better when she is staying overnight with her father. So, bittersweet though it may be, we are both excited about this milestone. Obviously, she’s way too old to still be sleeping with her mother, and she used to sleep on her own at our old house…not sure what happened. I don’t regret it, though. They are only little for such a short time.

Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling such gratitude for my life. I have such a good feeling about the year ahead. I was thinking about the horrible panic attack and subsequent anxiety I suffered through less than two weeks ago, and I wonder if it was just a giant purge of built up negative energy- shit I needed to get rid of? Because since it faded away, I have been steadily more centered, happy, and anxiety free. Seems like more than coincidence to me- to get to begin a new year wiped clean of the dark feelings that had been plaguing me? Well, whatever it is, I’ll take it. Gladly.

You know…my house is still a mess. I meant to take down my tree last night, and never got around to it. There are dishes in the sink, and…well, it’s pretty much like it always is around here. But for once, none of it is bothering me. Because I have a plan, and I intend to stick to it. Little by little, this house will transform, and be the way I want it to be. By the time I go to bed tonight, those dishes will be gone, the counters wiped clean, the tree gone, ornaments put away. It still won’t be perfect- I doubt it will ever be perfect. But eventually, it will be the way I want it to be. I feel quite sure of that.

The thing is, I have started this year with peace in my heart. I don’t know that I’ve often felt peace like this. It feels solid to me, as if it is not dependent on outside circumstances, but more like it stems from within me. It’s the kind of peace that comes when you have finally started to trust yourself, to know that most likely, you are going to be okay. I’ve survived a lot- I’ve survived MYSELF, which was no simple feat. This is my fourth consecutive New Years clean, and I’ve grown stronger every year. And I am so grateful for that- for the peace, and for surviving myself, and surviving the dark parts of my own mind. I’m so grateful for making it out of that last, awful, dark place, and for the wonderful new spot it wound up leaving me.

I’m starting this shiny, fresh new year with a grateful heart. And I don’t think there is a better place to begin than that.

May your year be blessed, happy, full of hope and laughter. Happy New Year!