Tag Archives: angry

Starting Today

women

 

It has been 87 million years since I have written a blog, mostly because I have been busy living my life, and Facebook has satisfied my need for attention and approval in a more immediate way. Ha! Also, ever since my brain has kind of healed from all the drugs I damaged it with, I find that I don’t feel as compelled to use my blog as therapy the way I once did. I have an actual therapist for that. But, this past few weeks, I’ve been itching to write a blog, and this morning, I almost had no choice.

Something has happened-you may or may not have noticed- but there is this guy from Celebrity Apprentice taking the place of Obama in the White House. I don’t know about you, but I find this very upsetting. Like, VERY upsetting. Not to mention scary as fuck. But I don’t want to go into all of the reasons it’s upsetting, scary, enraging, fucking backwards, and plain out wrong. If you live near a television, have the internet, can read, and have a whit of sense, you have already figured all that out. If you aren’t scared, upset, and enraged, then there’s no explaining it to you, anyway. Trust me, I have TRIED. And you are probably reading the WRONG fucking blog.

I have thinned out my friends on Facebook, deleting a bunch, unfollowing some that I couldn’t bear to delete. It took me a long time to do this. For a while, I thought I could convince people with facts, appeals to their common sense, or, failing that, their common decency. That didn’t work. So lets not go into how upsetting it is to realize that some people, people I thought were smart and good, kind of shattered that illusion by supporting Trump. Because, I’m sorry…if you support someone who has no respect for women,who is racist, who lies every time their mouth opens, who mocks the disabled, who believes sexual assault is okay, who…you know what? I’m going to stop the list there, and just say, if you support someone who embodies those terrible qualities, you are supporting those qualities. And that makes me think less of you. I can’t help it. But that’s not what I want to talk about, either.

As disgusted as I am over everything that is happening in our government right now, I have had some strange and hopeful thoughts about it, and I want to share them with you. They are sort of new to me, so hopefully, writing them out will help them make more sense to me, too. First of all, I’m kind of grateful for this past election season. It was awful. It made me madder and more disgusted than I have ever been in my life. It was a total shit show. But you know what? I paid attention, I REALLY paid attention, for the first time in my life. And because I was paying attention, I learned. I learned a lot of things, not the least of which was this: I learned what my values are. I learned what really matters to me. I learned that I am a feminist, that I believe in equality, TRULY, and that I am a bleeding heart fucking liberal, and proud of it. If Trump hadn’t run, and hadn’t been such a side show, I might not have ever learned about who I was. So something good kind of came of it, right? I mean, I have talked to a lot of people, and so many of them have learned so much about themselves and their values through this. We have discussed it with wonder on our faces- “Wow. I am REALLY a feminist! Thanks, Trump.” (We don’t say that last part. Give me a break.)

Anyway, my really weird thought is this: What if this is happening exactly the way it is supposed to? We just had eight easy, comfortable, happy, relatively peaceful years with the Obama’s. We could relax, for the most part. We took for granted that our rights were our rights, and no one was messing with anything. Then Trump won. I still don’t get it, but it happened. And everyone freaked out- especially here in California, where I live. I mean, we are pissed off! The world we thought we were living in got shaken to the core. And out of the deep rifts that resulted came a lot of ugly, nasty stuff. Racist, hateful shit popping up all over the country like festering boils. “Oh my God!” we thought, “Look what Trump has caused!” And it would be easy to blame him, because, lets face it, we just don’t like him. He’s a horrible person. But the truth? That stuff has been there, all along. He, much the way a hot compress on a boil brings all the shit to the surface, just brought it out into the light. And you know what happens when you expose the worst things to the light of day? You can deal with them head on.

I have never before been a political person, let alone any kind of an activist. I have learned a lot recently, but not as much as I need to know. I can tell a fake news story from the facts, usually, and I know where to look if I am having doubts. But there is much to learn. Today, I will be taking part in the Women’s March, here in my town, much like women are doing all over the world. And I am stoked to be doing it. But I also want to help in more meaningful ways. I want to protect my rights, and the rights of others, in a more direct way. And I don’t know exactly how to do that. However, I am willing to learn. And I have lots and lots and lots of friends who are just like me- they didn’t know, before, that these things mattered to them, but now they do, and they are pissed off, passionate, brilliant, and full of piss and vinegar. I almost feel sorry for the Trump administration. Almost.

There are a few things that Americans do so well in times of crisis. We come together, and we fight like motherfuckers. Today, I am going out to find my people, and get ready for whatever comes next. Look out, world.

 

Old Yeller

No, not the dog. I’m talking about me, and my propensity towards being rather loud. I come from a family of yellers- my mom is one, by grandfather was one. My cousin Heidi, my Uncle Boogie, (yes, I have an uncle named Boogie. His real name is Fizzle, though, just to clear that up.) the whole mess of us are yellers. Thanksgiving at our house is not for the faint of heart- it is, however, great if you are hard of hearing.

The bad thing about being a yeller is that when you are actually upset (which for me, with my two kids, puppy and somewhat frustrating boyfriend, is often) you have no choice but to kick it up a decibel or twelve. The neighbors always know who I am. I don’t always care for the way they look at me when I am outside- I mean, really. You try living with this bunch of maniacs, sometime. I am actually a really nice person, as long as you don’t know me very well.

The other bad thing about being a yeller is that after a while, no one pays attention to you anymore, no matter how loud you get. “Oh, that’s just my crazy mom again.” Aisley might say to her friend while I am in the kitchen screaming at what a mess they’ve made, or because someone ate ALL of my emergency Goober Grape AGAIN, and put the empty jar back in the cupboard.

I do not discriminate at whom I yell- inanimate objects are just as likely to be the focus of my rants as are the breathing inhabitants of my home. I try not to yell at the baby, since she is, after all, just a baby…but she may have gotten it a time or two, herself. Like when she just will NOT stop putting the dogs food into the water dish, or she refuses to keep her fingers away from the twelve billion outlets in this house. YES, they all have those baby proofing thingy’s in them, but still! I yell at semi-retarded drivers and sometimes at my own car while I’m driving. I yell at my daughter for using my bathrobe as a make-up rag, and for using my razor. I yell at Devon for leaving coffee cups everywhere and not calling me when he’s going to be home late. I yell and yell and yell, and no one is listening. I’ve become white noise.

But I have a solution. I become quiet. Deadly, scarily quiet. This really freaks everyone out. It’s not an easy thing for me to sustain as it is completely contrary to my nature, but I think I could get better at it with practice.

So…Here is my little project. From now until this time next week, I am going to calmly, quietly, go about my business. When I am pissed off, I am going to find another, new way of dealing with it. I am going to scare the pants off of these monkeys I live with.

Do you think I can do it? Do you think it will even be noticed? Hmmm….let’s see!