Tag Archives: blogging

Three Things

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As my daughter sits here, eating cereal more slowly than a sloth, I figure I have 15 minutes to do my weekly list. Here are 3 things on my mind this morning:

  1. I am really enjoying WordPress right now. I find new blogs to follow every day, and it is exciting…I have to remember not to get caught up in the rat-race mentality. The purpose of my blog, really, which started out as a way to keep me accountable on my quest to better myself as I grew older, morphed into a sort of journal, and finally became a way for me to talk about my addiction and recovery- that is the purpose of my blog. I do care about “likes” and “follows”, of course I do. But at the end of the day, if each blog finds its way to one person who needs to see it, if one person feels like maybe there is hope after reading my words- that’s really what this is about for me. When I remember that, I enjoy this whole experience a LOT more. I might even do a list of my favorite blogs soon, if I can get my shit together enough to do it.wordpress
  2. This past week has been rough for me. I have been trying hard to take care of myself, but I consistently bite off more than I can chew, and it hit me this morning that I need to remember that I am trying to enjoy my life. If the things I am doing are making me miserable, I am not doing it right. It’s great to have goals, but it’s important to pay attention to the way you feel while you are out pursuing them- if it feels like shit, knock it off. I’m not saying give up the minute things get hard, but if you are really unhappy, you probably aren’t on the right track. That’s where I’m at, anyway.enjoy life
  3. And finally, my favorite Podcast this week is Two Girls, one Ghost. If you like spooky stories, you are going to binge the F%#K out of this one. I am a huge fan. Those girls make my workday bearable. If you are into podcasts and like ghosts, black eyed children, etc., you will enjoy them immensely. Check them out!Two_Girls_One_Ghost-Annes-Version-Draft-6
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Time to Jump

time to jump

 

According to some stats I found on my blog yesterday, this should be about my 210th blog on After the Party. So, there is a good chance that I will embarrass myself by repeating one story or another, or talk about a new goal I have that isn’t new at all. I am not about to go review over 200 blogs just for the sake of originality, no way. So if I am saying something that sounds awfully familiar, please cut me some slack. Chances are, an entirely different version of me wrote whatever you read, and for this version of me, my ideas are fresh and exciting. I mean, to me at least, they are.

So today is the very first day of 2018, and I don’t know about you, but I am EXCITED about the fresh start of a brand new year! It’s kind of a new thing for me to be starting from an already really good spot, and not having any massive hurdles (i.e.: drugs, cigarettes, horrible relationships, etc.) to get over before I can get to the good stuff. I am already ass deep in the good stuff, and just ready to take it to the next level. This is all new territory for me, and boy do I feel good about it. I am so grateful.

I woke up at five this morning, like always, and I sat down and wrote out, by hand, my goals for the coming year. I broke them down into different areas of my life, and then made little lists under each area. Then I busted out my brand spanking new planner (This year it was recommended to me by a dear friend to purchase the Desire Map Planner from Danielle Laporte, so I did.) and wrote in what I knew I would be doing this coming month. Let me tell you, this is not something I have done before, and it feels great. You know what else feels pretty great? I believe I can actually pull all of it off. I feel it in my bones.

On the cover of this planner it says “What I will do to feel the way I want to feel” and, through this planner, as well as a coaching session with my friend Stacey Sarenity , I got to learn about what my “Core Desired Feelings” or CDF’s, are. I don’t know too much about all of it, other than it’s a great way to suss out what it is you are truly after by understanding what it is you want to feel like and what your life would look like based on those feelings.  Stacey knows all about it, so check out her website if you want to learn more. I, on the other hand, really like the way this planner is set up just based on how much I was able to pull from myself out onto the page this morning. I feel equipped to master the coming year in a way I have not before. I don’t have any of that weird fear I generally associate with change or going after something I want, maybe because I am not afraid of failing. I can’t FAIL- my goals aren’t like that this year, and I am not like I have been any other year. There are good things ahead.

For those of you who don’t know, I am, and have always been, since the moment I knew how to spell my name, a writer. This may seem like a forgone conclusion, given that you are reading a blog I have written right this very moment, but…not all bloggers want to be writers, right? They are writing for various reasons, and don’t have aspirations beyond that. I do. I know I am not in the minority, here, but I just want to announce myself and state my intentions- this year is going to be ALL about writing for me. I am in the middle of a novel I have been working on for months and months- honestly, way too long- and I have given myself a firm time frame for finishing both the writing and the editing. I have short story goals and contest goals and lots and lots of writing goals this year, and you know what? I am going after my dream with gusto this year. I was thinking seriously about going back to school for something totally unrelated to writing- another thing I would probably be really good at, but- and it suddenly hit me; Why in the world would I pursue something OTHER than my dream? How does that even make sense? I LOVE to write, I have since I was seven years old…so why would I consider pushing that aside, yet again, to do something else?

The answer was pretty clear. It was because I didn’t believe in myself enough, I didn’t believe I could make it as far as I wanted to, I didn’t think I was good enough. If I went ahead and went after something else, the odds of me finding the time to devote to any writing at all were pretty slim. I’m not okay with ANY of that. Listen, I AM a writer, and whether or not it becomes what I dream that it will be, I have to honor the thing I love, the thing that brings me joy and elation. It would be stupid to continue to turn my back on this thing, right? So I am jumping in, both feet. I am not afraid at all, because I know it is what I am supposed to do right now.

Holy cow, this blog just got long. Well, I have a few other things- I am going to be writing here more consistently, and I will have a rotating format of things I write about. Expect to see more from me on Thursday and Sunday (maybe Saturday, I’m going to see how it feels) and expect to see blogs about recovery, of course, writing, health and/or lifestyle, and probably some personal stuff. I can’t wait to follow more blogs and connect with more of you, and hopefully grow a little in the blogging world.

Sorry this was so long, God! Too much coffee, I guess! Have a wonderful New Year’s day!

Who The Hell Are You, And Why Have You Come Here?!

Me and the daughters in question.
Me and the daughters in question.

A little while back, I signed up to do the blogging 101 thing through WordPress, which is kinda weird, I know, considering I have been blogging for a pretty long time now.  The thing is, I just sort of jumped into it blindly (the way I do most things) and thought I would figure it out as I go…and I have, pretty much. But…you know…my following could be better (maybe my WRITING could be better, I don’t know) my stats could be better. I could be more consistent. Anyway, I wanted to see what I had missed and what I could do better, and maybe connect with some other bloggers.

Of course, my life picked the day that the assignments began to sort of go off the tracks. So I have decided not to let that deter me. I am going to try to catch up with the three or so assignments I have missed, and carry on. Writing in hugely important to me, and I need to make time for it (in all its wonderful forms) in my life the way I do everything else. Okay? Okay. Here goes:

My name is Courtney, and I am a single mother of two kids (thirteen years apart), both of them beautiful girls. One a teeny little thing, the other a young woman, now. I often write about my kids. I am also in (and sometimes out) of recovery, as in, twelve step, have a sponsor, know a lot about drugs…yeah, that kind of recovery. I don’t repo cars for a living, not that kind of recovery. I write about that quite a bit. I am a big dreamer and a deep (some might say over) thinker, and lots of times I write about my hopes and dreams for the future, or just my feelings. I have a big, sick sense of humor, and sometimes I am funny.

My blog is not super focused on one subject, and that is something I am trying to decide if I want to change or not…part of me likes it as it is, and thinks maybe I should start a separate blog that has a theme, (i.e. parenting in recovery, or something like that), part of me thinks I barely have time for this blog, so maybe adding a whole new thing is not such a good idea. I don’t know.  The jury is still out.

I am hoping to connect with other writers like myself- people who view parenting (and life) with humor. People in recovery who are so grateful for their lives. People who believe in the power of setting goals and having dreams. People who write about all of that stuff. 🙂

Well, I have to go to my real job now. Expect several more (extremely short) blogs such as this from me in the very near future. I am committed! Have a beautiful day.

Keys

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This little picture up above is my house. It may not look like much, but I assure you, it is kind of a big deal. First of all, it is all mine- I found it all on my own, I rented it all on my own, I did all the stuff it takes to get into a house all on my own, with additional hoops to be jumped through (as usual) thanks to my checkered past.

In the world we live in, there is a subset of people that live in what is almost an alternate reality: The world of the drug addict. That reality is a place I called home for many, many years, and because of that, I will always look at things a little differently. Because it  was my home for so long, a little piece of me will always remain there. I know this is probably a hard thing to understand- it’s not an easy concept for me to accept, either. Like, if it’s in the past, why not leave it there, right? But if you really examine your own life, can you say, 100%, that the things that shaped you in the past truly remain in the past? We carry our past within us, and we leave little parts of ourselves behind.

In the world of the drug addict, I am a fairy tale ending. I know this sounds nuts, right? I have been out of treatment for a matter of weeks, not for the first time…I have relapsed so many times over the past eight years, I’ve lost count. But I sit here this morning on my laptop writing this to you, and I am sitting in my own house, getting ready to get ready to go to work at a job I have had for many years. In my house, I have furniture- yeah, most of it is covered in laundry that needs to be folded, and the rest is covered in dog hair, but it’s MY furniture. I have lived in places before where it was too much trouble to figure out how to get a couch- all of my energy was used up on trying to figure out how I was going to get my next sack of dope.

In my house, I have two dogs, a cat, and two kittens (let me know if you want one.) that depend on me to care for them, and I do. They love me, and can’t wait to see me, and they celebrate every time I walk through the door- well, the dogs do. The cats are cats, and you know how they are. In this house, there are rooms with electricity and heat, there is a refrigerator with food, there are dishes in the dishwasher and clothes in the wash machine. There are TV’s that are on too much, and a bath tub that always has twenty million toys in the bottom, no matter how many times I pick them up. In my house, the work is never done- I am just realizing that this is a literal cliche. The work really is NEVER done. But I am grateful for each part of it.

The most important thing of all in my house are two beautiful kids, both generally happy (one as happy as a teenager ever really is, the other happy by even a four year old’s standard) and pretty well adjusted.. Both healthy and thriving in their own way. I wake up every day and thank God for them, that I can be their mother, that I don’t have to continue to inflict damage on them today as I have in my active addiction. Every day that I can actually be a mother to these girls is a victory. Every minute of it.

And in my purse, or on my dresser, or somewhere in this place, right now, as I write this, is a key ring. It has a whole bunch of keys on it- two keys for my front door, two keys for the storage’s in the back. There is a key to my car, and a key to my daughter’s car, and a few keys I probably need to toss out because I don’t know what they go to anymore. But for someone like me- a girl who carries the past of an addict at the very surface of her heart, so close it is right there…a girl who lived so long in that alternate reality that it’s still hard to trust herself…those keys mean a lot more to me than they might to the average person. I know what it is like to have no keys to any door at all. Man, am I grateful.

Thanks to mark for inviting me to do the Five Photos Five Series Challenge. Have a beautiful day!

When Your Blog is Broken.

Have you ever had a broken blog? Well, let me tell you, it is pretty frustrating- my blog has been broken lately, and I really don’t know what to do about it. I mean, is anyone ever really prepared for a sick and malfunctioning blog? This is not something you can really be ready for, unless you are a complete computer whiz, which, by anyone’s standards, I am not. I have been with WordPress for this long for that very reason- I am barely computer literate, and WordPress is, or always has been, anyway, super simple and user friendly.

Until, of course, my blog stopped functioning. I mean, if you are reading this (all four of you who can actually see it because you subscribe to my fantastic and enthralling writing, and/or you found it via Facebook or Twitter) then you wouldn’t know what I mean…but my blog is no longer showing up in the ever important “Reader” under any of the Categories I assign to it. Not under “Addiction” or “Recovery” (which, of course, would be stupid categories for this particular blog, since it is not about either of those things, but you catch my drift…), nope…my blog isn’t showing up anywhere.

Let me tell you something about writing a blog- the only reason I do it is because I want to share my thoughts and my particular perspective with the world. This is the avenue I have chosen to do that. So when I write something, and put all that effort into it, and it doesn’t work…that is pretty frustrating. I have visited the forums and tried to figure out how to resolve this issue on my own, but, as I said before, there is a whole lot more technical stuff (at least to me it seems technical- plug ins and re-setting things and blah, blah, blah…shit I know absolutely NOTHING about) than I am capable of comprehending. And you know what sucks even worse than having a broken blog? Having a broken blog and then having to feel stupid when you can’t grasp all the nerd-speak in the fix-it directions. Thanks, WordPress! Now I feel ineffective and stupid, as well as blog-less.

When your blog is broken and no one reads it, your stats really suck. When your stats really suck, and you can’t fix your blog, you don’t feel like writing anymore. When you stop writing, the five people who like your blog stop following you. And when you have no readers…what, really, is the point? There isn’t one.

Of course, this blog will probably pop right up in the reader, like nothing was ever wrong. Way to go, WordPress. Now I look crazy on top of everything else.

A Few Things…

don't give a fuck

The first thing: I really need to sit down here and write whatever it is that I feel compelled to write, when I am feeling the compulsion. I need to finish whatever it is, and I need to then publish it. This used to be a pretty straightforward cycle for me, but all of the sudden, I have started dragging my feet, over-thinking, stopping in the middle and then abandoning nearly finished blogs altogether. It seemed like a phase, at first, but now it looks suspiciously like a bad habit. I have enough of those already, thank you very much.  So, I am going to try to do that- sit down while the sittin’s good, write until it is written, and then publish it. I don’t want to alarm anyone, but you guys are really missing out on some great and brilliant musings because of my selfish withholding, and it has to stop.

The next thing: My only New Year’s Resolution this year was to give zero fucks what anyone may or may not be thinking, saying, or feeling about me, due to an inordinate amount of time spent obsessing (by me) over what everyone, from the mail man to my mother, those thoughts, etc., may be. I am rapidly closing in on my 40th birthday, and I’m very tired of giving so many fucks about imagined, and real, opinions about me, my life, and whatever else. I mean, who fucking cares, right? It’s exhausting, and I have vowed to quit it. Unfortunately, as is often the case when resolving to change something, I find that I am either giving a lot more fucks about the above mentioned things, or I am just hyper aware of all the fucks I give. But I have gotten good at recognizing the tension that creeps into my body when i start giving a fuck, and I can quickly relax into the “give a fuck” contraction, and breathe my way out of it. Seriously, though, I would like to be able to take in someone’s advice, opinion, or even their shitty, backhanded compliment, and not take it ON, like it’s automatically a fact, or a misconception of which I must convince the sharer otherwise. “Oh, really, you think I could improve my parenting skills? Well, aren’t your thoughts straying far away from home these days, eh? You have a nice day.” “Sooo…you have some advice I didn’t solicit about how I run my life, huh? Wow, and you’ve never even been to my house, met my kids, or seen me outside of a controlled environment. I’m just going to keep texting while you talk, but I am totally listening to you.” THAT is how I would LOVE to be. Instead, I am more like “Oh, shit, the neighbors are watching me parallel park…I’ll just…I think I can pull straight in, there’s enough room. SHIT. I’m twenty feet from the curb, I’ll do it the other way. Why are they looking at me? FUCK. They probably think I am such a lunatic. Oh my God, I am STILL ten miles from the curb. Fuck it, I am just leaving it, I don’t care if I’m in the middle of the road. if those assholes weren’t sitting there, judging me, maybe I could park my car like a normal person…” And this is just me, parking my CAR. There’s a part of me that knows how insane my thinking is, and that they probably don’t even notice what is happening at all. There is a part of me that understands, even if they are gawking at my shitty parking job, why the fuck should I care? I mean, it doesn’t matter. But the bigger part of me is hysterical, loud, and incredibly anxious and sensitive, and she wants those gawking assholes to be in AWE of her mad parallel parking skills. She is the one I am trying to mellow out a little bit.

My hope is that I can bring my “no fucks given here” policy to my blog, as well. I would like you to share your feelings and opinions with me here, with the understanding that I am hearing what you are saying, and I am not going to allow it to embed itself on my skin like a tattoo. I am not even going to put it in my saved file unless it really is worthy, and I will offer, in return, full disclosure when writing, no matter how annoying that is to my mother. Feel free to not care a whit what I am telling you, of course. I am not there just yet, but that is my goal.

The last thing: The other reason I think I need to get on here and write, as close to daily as I can is this: I am just drowning in good material these days. And if I don’t use it, I lose it, or at least, the real essence of “it”, when we are referring to writing. You have to get it out when it is consuming you, because it can die down so quickly, the fire that flares up when one is taken by the muse…anything written when the steam is dying down is going to be less engaging. For me, in my writing, anyway.

Today, I had a horrible day, which means I learned some stuff. The lesson today was this: No matter how incredibly dramatic and awful things appear at first, they almost always simmer down to simply lame and tiring within hours. So getting all hysterical over stuff is pretty much a waste of time. The secondary lesson was: You will instinctively know when it is high time you put your foot down, stand your ground, and defend yourself, and you will also realize that you are a pretty decent human being, all things considered. You, I mean I, do not have to deal with manipulation or bullying from anyone, and I won’t. So THERE.

Well, I am afraid that everything from the second paragraph on is a run-on sentence, written in Pig Latin, but I am not going to check. I am just going to get this published. Besides, everyone knows Pig Latin, anyway.

The Writer’s Dilemma…

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I have started working on a new story, so what is happening is what always happens- I am finding it harder to come up with the time and energy to devote to this blog. It’s funny, because they are such different things, and both of them give me something I want. Blogging has the immediate reward that I love- I have the ability to see who has read what I have written, who I have reached, who enjoys my writing. I get that immediate gratification that I love so much.

When I am writing a story, though, it is different. The story starts to materialize in my mind before I ever sit down to start sketching it out. It always starts like this- I am washing dishes, or walking my dog, or sitting on the toilet, and my mind goes “what if…say a girl was walking her dog early in the morning, like this, and they were by a cemetery…and the dog dragged her into the cemetery, and she lost the leash, and when she was trying to grab it, she fell…into an open grave…” Or maybe I start to see other parts of the story first, and then that first part comes to me. Eventually, it becomes almost painful not to start writing it out. I don’t get any immediate feedback on it, and most of the stories I have started, I haven’t even finished, for one reason or another. I lose interest, or something happens in my life that takes me away from writing, and when I come back, I just want to start something new.

I want to develop better habits, a solid writing routine, because- I have finally realized- this is everything to me. If I don’t get on the ball now, when will I? When I was very young, I already knew that writing was my calling in life, but I thought I had all the time in the world. I don’t know what I was waiting for. I don’t want to wait anymore. So, here I am, back to getting up at four every morning, so that I can have this time to write. I’m two chapters in on my new story, and I intend to finish this one. I also have decided to finish the editing of my first finished novel, and start sending it off again. I figure one of two things can happen- it will be rejected, or it won’t. I don’t need to get all nutty over it, I just need to do it. If no one wants it, then I will come up with something else. I don’t need to be afraid. I should be more afraid of doing nothing.

I plan on continuing blogging, and actually, I wrote a really good one earlier this week, but decided not  to publish it in the interest of not pissing off everybody in the world who disagrees with me…especially a few particular people whom the blog was aimed at. If they weren’t people I knew personally, I probably would have gone ahead with it, but I am trying to be responsible with my words these days, and not go around stabbing people with my literary sword. Although it sure is tempting sometimes.

I am very interested to hear about your writing routine- are you dedicated to it? Is there a time of day that works best for you? Do you have a hard time blogging when you are caught up in other literary pursuits?

I know this is a short one today, but I really just wanted to check in, let everyone know what is going on with me. I’ll be back before you know it!

I’ve Been Chosen for a Liebster Award!

liebsteraward

You can’t imagine my surprise when I saw my notification last night that I had been nominated! So, first and foremost, I would like to extend my sincere thanks and gratitude to Ashley at Musings & Adventures in living. Then, of course, the anxiety crept in. The first rule- “Tell 11 random facts about yourself”, no problem! I do that regularly in my blogs, anyway. I will get to that in a minute, here. The “Answer 11 questions given to you by the person who nominated you” part is no problem, either. Heck, I love telling people my thoughts about just about anything (hence the blog, duh). It’s the middle part that is giving me a little grief- you see, one of he requirements is to find other bloggers with less than 200 followers and nominate them. Eleven of them, no less.

Confession time…I don’t think I regularly read eleven other bloggers. Even if I did, I have no idea how many followers they have. Furthermore, I have no clue how to find that information. So here’s the deal, I will accept this award, and I will, over the course of my next eleven blogs, give you my nominees. I just can’t do it all at once. I want to be real, here, and not just throw any old names into the hat. So I will be on the hunt for my 11, okay?

Onward and upward! Here are eleven things you may or may not want to know about me:

1) I have a little brother and a little sister. My brother and I share a mother, my sister and I, a “father”. My brother is 8 years younger than me, and we only lived in the same house for about four years. I always joke that I am an only child…and so is he. My sister and I didn’t meet until I was in my mid-thirties. We found each other on Myspace. No, I am not joking.

2) I have two tattoos and one piercing. Not bad for someone who was on drugs for as long as I was!

3) As outgoing and socially comfortable as I am, I absolutely loathe the beginning of new relationship. All the uncertainty is torture for me. Sexual tension makes me want to pull my hair out. I just like to get the ball rolling, or forget it.

4)I had to testify in a murder trial once.

5)I have really bad taste in men. I have had one upstanding boyfriend who I have no regrets about dating, and two who read this blog regularly. They can draw their own conclusions.

6) I hate flying so much that I don’t even want to discuss it anymore. I can’t think about it. Next time I fly,  I will be heavily medicated.

7) I am a terrible liar.

8) I am very vain. Therefore, gaining weight and getting a little older has not been fun for me. I still look pretty good, though, to me. 🙂

9)I have lived in my house for over two years now, and this is a miracle for me. I am a gypsy, totally. I love starting over, somewhere new. This is hard on kids, though, I hear, so I am trying to stay put.

10) I am not a big fan of shopping for long periods of time, unlike my mother and my oldest daughter. Get in, get what you need, get the hell out- that’s my motto.

11) I believe in God, 100%. You may or may not like this. I could care less. Nor do I care what you believe in, nor do I think discussing (ie, arguing about) it is a good idea. To each his own. REALLY.

Okay, check that off the list…Now for the questions from my nominator ( is that even a word?) :

1) Why do you write?

I write because I have to write. I don’t know how not to write. I am composing in my head, letters, conversations, stories, all the time. It is just the way I was assembled. Sometimes I see a word, and a story grows out of it like a little bud out of a the earth. I write because I love  it more than anything. 🙂

2. If you could accomplish only one thing with your blog, what would it be?

Well, of course, the best possible thing I can think of ever coming from this blog would be to catch the eye of a really great agent, who wanted more than anything for me to send my manuscript (yes, I do have one finished, and one half way there, not to mention ideas up the wazoo.) to him/her, and propel me to international, albeit quiet, literary stardom. Of course, just being able to do nothing except write would also be nice. I wouldn’t mind at all being a syndicated columnist, either.  But the truth is, I didn’t start this blog for any of those reasons. I just wanted a place to talk about what was going on with me, and maybe let people know that if they were going through struggles with their kids, or with addiction, or with aging, they totally weren’t alone.

3. If you were given money and a full month to travel, where would you go?

This one is a toss up between renting a winnebago and traveling all over the United States, and hopping on a plane to travel all over Europe. I couldn’t nail down a destination if I tried, there are just SO many places I long to see.

4. What is one thing that you are creating in your life? (art/personally/work-related)

The most important thing I am creating in my life today is Joy. The past years of my life have been soul killing, and I am restoring myself- through meditation, through self- care, through fun and really living. When my stores of joy begin to run low, I need to start working at it a little harder. Change it up every day!

5. Who would you choose to be your mentor, if you had the chance?

The beauty of being a writer who also loves to read ( and I don’t know how you could be one without also being the other, honestly)  is that you are free to be mentored by the most fabulous people in the world, whenever you so choose…other writers! I love Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne Lamott, and of course, JK Rowling. How could I not?

6. How has writing influenced changes in your life?

Writing is often a way for me to sort out and organize my thoughts, and so it influences me greatly in that I am able to spot major flaws in my own processes as they are happening…when I am keeping up with myself, that is. A lot of it happens in review, though. Looking back, I’m like “What the hell were you thinking?!” Most of this is around men, of course.

7. If you could meet anyone in history, who would you meet, and why?

I don’t really have an answer to that…Albert Einstein fascinates me.  I wouldn’t mind going back to take Hitler out (like, with a rifle, not to dinner, duh.). But I don’t really think that way. There aren’t a lot of famous people that I dream of meeting, now or in the past. I would love to just live like a week in every era from about 1870 on…I think it would be fascinating to see the way ordinary people lived their daily lives!

8. How you do stay motivated to reach your goals?

This is a funny question, because I am not sure I have actually ever done that- met a goal- before. I have written things down, and then looked back and found that these things have actually happened. Well, I was just sipping my coffee, mulling this over, and it occurred to me that I have, in fact, met some pretty major goals…the way I stay motivated is by breaking it all down into small, manageable tasks. Also, money motivates me, lets be honest…but fun is the biggest deal breaker. If I am enjoying myself, the rest is easy.

9. Where would you like to live?

The best answer for this question is EVERYWHERE.  I love where I live now. I need to be near water, I don’t know why. It doesn’t have to be the ocean- a river or a lake is okay, although a river over a lake. I like moving water best. But I have the ability to be happy just about anywhere, honestly. I like new things. I like adventure.

10. Who is your greatest inspiration?

My greatest inspiration so far has been heartache, renewal, and rejoicing over having risen from the ashes. My greatest inspiration is whatever is on my heart from moment to moment.

11. If you could give a group of people advice, what would it be?

The best advice I can ever give someone is TRUST YOUR GUT. You know more than you ever imagined!

And with that, I will give you my first nominee, who I love and have no idea how many followers he has or even if he already has one of these bad boys. His name is Benny, and his blog My Ideal Woman, is one of my favorite, and one of the first I ever followed.

Here are your questions, Nominee:

1) What were you hoping to get out of having a blog, and have your expectations been met, fallen short, or been exceeded?

2) What are your writing goals, if any?

3) What would a perfect day be like for you?

4) If you found out you had one year to live, what would you change about your life?

5) Why aren’t you doing that now?

6) Do you have a favorite time of day to write, a favorite place?

7) Do you love the distinct smell of a library, and a bookstore, do you know the difference…or am I just a weirdo?

8) Do you feel largely misunderstood by the majority of your non-writing friends, and does this sort of bum you out?

9) What was the hardest thing you have ever been through, and what did you learn from it?

10) What do you find to be the best part of being not as young as you once were? What do you look forward to about growing older?

11) This one is a biggy! Are you afraid of dying? What do you believe happens after death? I’m just curious.

Thank you again for selecting me! I look forward to finding ten more bloggers to nominate!

 

 

 

My Blog Turned 2, and Now It Won’t Listen to a Thing I Say…

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Actually, this was like a week or more ago, now. I get so busy with my stupid reality, I have no time to actually sit down and write about it. I could do it during work, but I feel too guilty. Don’t get me wrong, I screw around just like everyone else, I just make sure not to do anything that I enjoy a whole lot- that way, it doesn’t feel so bad.  So anyway, I thought it would be fun to write a little bit about what I have learned about blogging, and about myself, in these past couple of years. Here goes:

10.) The thing I intended to write about in the beginning, my “whole life makeover”, is possible…just not for someone with kids. I love the idea of being the very best me I can possibly be, up to and including : Shiny, bouncy hair; slender waist and perky boobs, bonus if my ass isn’t sliding down my thighs as it has implied, lately, that it might; gym going, yoga doing little ball of focused energy; responsible, organized and self-assured; maintains and tends to her important relationships, excellent mother, clean house…you get the idea, right? I want to be a fucking superwoman, just like every other chick who isn’t lying to herself. But I have children, I work full time, and I am still my messed up, unruly, ADHD, drug addict self. Some days, the VERY best I can do is show up and not verbally abuse people. Hell, some days, all I can do is show up. So, my blog isn’t about what I thought it would be about. But it is still about me…which leads me to:

9.) Be super duper careful when you write about your personal relationships. People do NOT like it when you talk about them on  the world wide web. They get all screwy and uptight and weird, and ask you not to mention their names (like anyone knows who the fuck you are, Grace. Just kidding, Ethel.) , and for God’s sake, if you have a habit of breaking up with someone and getting back together like some people on some other blogs (this one) I’ve read, you may want to think twice before posting that shit. Because a) Everyone will think you are stupid and hate your (ex)boyfriend, including you, and b) You will have to hear your (ex)boyfriend quote your words fourteen thousand and twenty seven times, until you threaten to cut him in his area. Yes, this is culled from real life, people.

8.) I am not as interesting or original as I thought. I read blogs all the time that are so much better than mine. I can think of one in particular (thank GOD she fixed her life and stopped writing, I couldn’t take it anymore. 🙂 ) where this woman had NO WRITING ASPIRATIONS AT ALL and her blog was a thousand times better than mine! Organized, cute, well thought out, interesting, and she stuck to her theme almost always. I don’t usually even know which personality is going to be writing my blog when I sit down, let alone where the hell I’m going to wind up. But trust me, wherever it is, someone has been there before…thanks to Google and WordPress, I now know there has never been an original thought in my head.

7.) I am also not a very fast learner. This one was a bit of a shocker, as I have always prided myself on being just that. But, when reviewing my timeline, I find that I am running into the same issues, again and again and again. I am not learning what I need to learn, or remembering what that is, or something. God, I have had it with me.

6.) I am a total attention hog. And a stats junkie. If I write it, I expect that they will come…and if they don’t, I expect that I will feel like shit. Look, some of my blogs are just so-so, but most of them, I really do like. At least, at the time I published them. So it’s not a big shocker that I think everyone will like the things I write…right? Every little “like” that is clicked, every little “reblog” gives me a little hit of the universal adoration I crave. It’s a sickness. You watch, there will be a 12 step meeting for it soon, if there isn’t already.

5.) It’s a lot harder to come up with a list of ten things than you will ever know until you sit down to write one.

4.) I really like internet porn. You have no idea how many times I have sat down to write and wound up…not writing, instead. I mean, really enthusiastically not writing. This, I hear, is also a sickness.

3.) I don’t have time to read as many blogs as I would like to, so I can’t blame anyone for not reading mine. I guess. Although, even though I just claimed to be neither interesting or original, clearly, you can see that I am both. I think it would behoove you to continue to read this blog, even though I ALSO just actually said I had no intention of reading yours. I might. But I will be famous someday, so it is worth your while…we all know that famous people are important. Well, I am important in waiting. Read me like the bible (if the bible had a lot of vulgarity, curse words and giant holes in it.) (Oh, wait. It does!)

2)When in doubt, do not hit “Publish”. If you are bleary eyed and half crocked at two a.m. and you think that what you have written is maybe a little risque, it is probably pornography and please don’t embarrass yourself. If you are in the same predicament and think your writing is really great…it probably really isn’t. Sleep on it. If and when you wake up, take a little peek, and see if you aren’t horrified. Trust me, I wish someone had been around to tell me that. Of course, they probably were, I just didn’t have time to read their blog.

1) I really, truly do love to write. It is an enormous part of who I am, and I am so grateful to live in the time that I do, where I can be a part of the WordPress community, no matter how sporadic I am, and say whatever I want, whenever I want to…for FREE. Just think- you would have missed out on this little gem if it weren’t for the guys running this ship! Yay wordpress! And Happy Birthday, toddler blog. You look exactly like your mother.