Posted in Blogging, fun, funny, housekeeping, humor, Life, motherhood, People, random



I have a confession to make, and trust me, it pains me to admit it, but…I’m REALLY lazy. This is not something people would generally guess about me, considering that I come off like a really energetic person- I mean, I talk a lot, I talk fast, and I seem really outgoing, joking and making wise ass remarks all the time. But that’s the thing- you can easily confuse my energetic talking and moving for busy-ness, although unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. I can move around a whole lot and still accomplish impressively little.

I try…oh, Lord, do I try. I wake up every day with my latest plan, all of the things I intend to do with the next 24 hours. Somewhere along the way, though, I always find myself laying down on the couch, remote in hand, griping that I’ve seen every show on TV. Just let that sink in for a moment- think about how many shows there are on TV. Now think about the fact that I’ve seen them all. Does that tell you anything? And of course, I haven’t seen EVERY show. But all the ones I like to watch- all the ghost shows, and Forensic Files, Snapped and the like. I swear to you, I’ve seen almost every episode that is in rotation. That translates to a lot of TV watching. Not to mention the fact that I read at least one book a week, work on the novel I am writing, keep up with my blog, and work full time.

Okay, wait…this is making me sound like I am not lazy. But I really am, I promise you. My point is, I make time (plenty of it) for things I want to do. But I hate doing the things I NEED to do. Like dishes. Right now, both sides of the sink are completely full of dirty dishes. When I got my coffee ready last night, I had to wedge the pot under the faucet right where the sink is divided because that was the only space available- and it took some maneuvering. I managed to take two naps yesterday, and bitch about my TV options, but I couldn’t find the strength to deal with the dishes? That is laziness.

And laundry? Don’t even get me started. A few months back, I actually accomplished something so amazing I never thought it could be achieved- I finished ALL my laundry. All of it. It was even folded and put away. I promised myself I would never again get behind on this task, and that, for the rest of my life, laundry would be handled. Fast forward to now…Not one person who must legally wear pants in public will be able to leave this house today unless I get my shit together. Which probably means we are staying home.

It’s just…housework is not something I am good at. I try, I really do. Every week, I do make some effort to right things around here. I even hired a housekeeper for a little bit, but…well, all I can say about that is, be careful about housekeepers from Craigslist. If they give you references, you should probably check them. After she flooded my laundry room and then tried to blame it on me, THEN told me she wasn’t willing to clean it up properly because she might hurt her back, I knew it was time to move on. Also, she kept making remarks about my house being dirty, which, duh, was why I hired her in the first place. It wasn’t a good experience, all in all.

Also, I am kind of a borderline hoarder. I keep everything. I am especially afraid of throwing out cords and wires that I don’t know why I have them or where they came from. They look so important, and I just know that if I throw them out, I am going to regret it at some point. When you are the one in charge of everything in your house, there’s no one around to ask “Hey,what does this go to?” and so…into the closet, into the pile they go. That is one of the biggest issues I stumble over when trying to organize my life- the “what if I need this later?” thing, or the “Oh, I will totally use this” thing. Spoiler: I probably won’t, to both.

And the icing on top of this inedible cake is that I have three animals who all shed as if their very lives depend on it. There is so much hair in this house, it’s kind of frightening. I don’t know what to do about that, aside from shaving both my dog and my two cats, which would be hilarious, but seems a bit overkill. I mean, all in all, my life is just gross. And it has layers. Remove the hair layer, and there is the junk layer. Remove the junk layer, and there is the dirty house layer.

It’s enough to make me want to go lay down on the couch and take a nap. But I guess I should probably go do the dishes.

Posted in escape, family, Goals, humor, kids, Life, People, random, Uncategorized

Re-New Year

(***Note to reader: I was so lazy yesterday, I actually couldn’t even pull it together enough to publish this blog. So, pardon it’s delay***)

Last night was the first time I have actually stayed up until midnight in quite some time. I was not in a celebratory mood at all, however, and I refused to cheer up at all while all around me people cheered and blew things up and hollered. I sat in the dark, on my front step, with my little glass of pink champagne, and scowled at all the hubbub. I was in no mood to be happy. I was in the grips of some female hormone fluctuations that you would not have been wise to have brought up at the time…unless, of course, you were in the mood to have your head bitten clean off.

Because I did make it to the wee hours- for me this means like, one, one-thirty, tops- I have been in a major funk all day long. To be honest with you, I am still in my pajamas right now, in my bed, where I have spent the better part of the day. I have sent the baby off with her father to the dump (when you are little, stuff like that is still fun), my older one is at her second home, the mall, with her boyfriend, and I…I have been in bed watching back to back episodes of “Storage Wars” for a little longer than I really want to admit. I have no intention of doing anything of value at all today. I did make an exhausting trip to Carl’s Jr., where I spent almost thirty bucks on junk food- which I thoroughly enjoyed, by the way.

In all honesty, though, this is not my idea of how I would like to start off a fresh new year…I really don’t even feel I have nailed down exactly what kind of year I do want to have. I have no good, solid list of resolutions, and I am certainly in no state of mind to contemplate such things now. Not when I am waiting for this commercial to end so I can find out what the hell was in that storage locker some guy bought for way too much money. Yeah, I am in sloth mode, for sure.

So, I have decided to have a Re-New Year, at a date to be determined when I have two spare brain cells to rub together. Today is not that day, my friend. Have a good day, whether it is your New Year or not. I’ll have to go now. My show is back on!

Posted in Life, random

Why You Gotta Be A Dick?

I’m really, really sorry I had to begin this post with such a grammatically reprehensible title. In all fairness, though, it is the only expression that sums up exactly what this blog (today) is about.

The world is full of Assholes. There. I said it. You know it’s true, too, right? I mean, how many times a day (assuming you leave your house much) do you find yourself saying, albeit quietly (as people carry guns these days) , “What an Asshole that asshole is!” Maybe sometimes you even say to yourself “My GOD, I am such an Asshole.” And shake your head in despair. It’s okay. I do it, too.

We all have the potential to be warm and wonderful human beings. Wait- you know what, that may not be true. I definitely have the potential to be a warm and wonderful human being most of the time, as do most of the people I know. There are a couple of freakshows out there that are just taking up space, let’s be honest. On the flip side of that coin, though, we all have the potential to be totally self absorbed, black- holes of misery covered in skin.  Sometimes I am both on the same day. But you know what? I try really hard NOT to be a dick. I try to remember to hold doors for people, to smile and be thoughtful, to not completely lose my shit when someone in front of me in traffic has no business being on the road. I try. I mean, maybe they are having a bad day and their nerves are shot. Maybe they are tourists and they are lost…in which case they really should pull the hell over and then try to figure out where the hell they are, but you know, maybe they just haven’t thought of that yet.

I’m certainly not trying to pretend I am some moral and spiritual little ray of sunshine. I mean, if you read this blog, you know that I was a raging drug addict for a long time- I broke the law every single day, many times, for like ten years. I wasn’t exactly a great chick. Even then, though, I really did try to at least be polite. I guess perhaps it was just one of the ways that I manipulated people- they do tend to respond more favorably to someone who is polite, even if that someone is a sucked up little tweaker- but WHATEVER. At least I tried.

There are so many degrees of Assholishness, I don’t even know where to begin. People that refuse to see that their kids are assholes are even bigger assholes than the kids. People that are late all the time. People that refuse to have a sense of humor about anything. People that are just mean for no reason at all. People who think they are better than other people (I have been guilty of this a time or two, I confess.) People who are racist and ignorant and closed-minded. Teenagers. All teenagers are hormone-induced ASSHOLES. This, however, is forgivable as it can be outgrown.

I want to talk about two run-ins I have had with dickish people in the last couple of days. One hurt my feelings and the other just pissed me off, and they are both a big part of what is wrong with this world we live in.

First: Saturday, I took my older daughter with me to Target to pick up Easter stuff (Yes, I realize that Saturday was the very day before Easter- my organizational skills suck. Badly.) and then afterwards, we stopped and picked up a bagel and some Starbucks. We drove over by the beach, parked on a dead end road, at the bottom of the hill, at the very front of a long line of cars. Most of the cars were empty behind me, and I figured someone had just left, creating this little, lucky empty spot for me to park. There were no signs telling me NOT to park there. So I did, and me and my kid just munched on our bagels and watched the surfers. Then a car came along and had a bit of a problem turning around at the bottom of the hill, where I happened to be parked. He had to back up and turn his wheel ONE extra time to clear my bumper. As he went by, I CLEARLY saw his mouth form the world ASSHOLE at me , as he glared. His wife fired off some insult or another as they passed, and I was like “What the F*** did I do?”  It really upset me- I was just sitting there, with my kid, enjoying the freaking day, and I got called an asshole because this jack-hole couldn’t turn his big ass truck around!

Second: (And this one is really lame.) Yesterday, I had a few extra minutes for once in my life, and I thought I would go spy on my daughter. She wasn’t where she was supposed to be, so I cruised slowly through the parking lot near that area, looking for her. As I cruised, a guy pulled out of a parking space directly in front of me, never even glancing behind him. I did not say a word, just looked at him. I watched as he backed right into the bumper of a gold Lexus. He looked at me. I looked at him. He started to inch forward, so his window was near my window. I could see his mind working, I really could. I rolled my window down and said to him “Don’t drive off. You just hit that car, handle your shit, man.” Those were my exact words. He nodded, his girlfriend nodded. He got out, walked to the car he hit, looked at it, looked at me…then he jumped in his car and BAILED.

I got his license plate number, I went in the store, told the manager what happened, blah blah blah. But I felt so deflated and bummed out by the whole encounter. I mean, for GOD’s sake, man! I get it- maybe he didn’t have insurance, he was scared, whatever. That is NO EXCUSE for being a lame ass, busting up someones car and then not doing the right thing. I bet, if he would have just explained to the Lexus owner what had happened, they would have worked it out with him. People are pretty reasonable, if you give them a chance and have a little common courtesy. I don’t know. I just wanted to expound on that a little.

People- please try not to be a dick today. As a representative of the world at large, I am thanking you in advance.