Posted in Addiction, friendship, Goals, inner peace, Learning, Life, Musings, People

Sober Thoughts

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I’ve had a wonderful few days…a wonderful past month, actually. I’ve had so much fun, done so many things, but most importantly of all, I have stayed off drugs and pretty much changed the course of my entire life. No big deal, hahaha. Seriously, though, things were headed in a really bad direction, and it took a massive effort to turn that ship around before it hit the iceberg. Funny thing, though- once it started turning, it took on a life of it’s own, and sort of took off towards better things.

Now, I find myself in a quandary. One of my main rules, this time around, were that I would follow my OWN rules- not the rules of any other person or organization. What I really meant by this was that I was not going to go to NA meetings, and I was going to drink if I wanted to, and not feel shitty about it. I have done this with total success. Sort of. I mean, I have had a few beers, several glasses of wine, and even a mixed drink, once, and this has been fine. That isn’t the issue I am having at all.

My issue is this: I really want to help people. I really want to take all of this experience I have, and all of the things I have learned, and offer it to other women who are new in recovery. Which is a hard thing to do when you aren’t actually IN recovery. I am not naive enough to think that just because this way works for me, it will work for everyone else. I honestly don’t think that one way could ever work for everyone else- hence, the issues I have with NA and AA. However, I do believe that the rules they have chosen to follow (alcohol is a drug, period) are the safest ones. Maybe some people can drink, but a lot of people can’t and shouldn’t, and it’s just better to be safe than sorry. Even if alcohol never becomes a problem, it certainly does lower ones inhibitions and defenses, and can lead to bigger, worse things. I am not disputing that, not at all.

I am also not the kind of person who will pretend to be something I am not. I will not go to meetings, do the whole deal, get to a point where I am able to sponsor other women, and be drinking on the sly the whole while. That is just not me. Trust is not something to be toyed with. Especially in a situation as delicate and important as someone’s sobriety is. It is literally life or death, sometimes. I could never be casual about something like that.

So what do I do? Find another way to help women like me? To be honest with you, I can’t think of any better way. Meetings are the place where I could be the most vital help. Right now I simply don’t think I am willing to give up the life I have right now. And that sort of bums me out. Is drinking really that important to me? No, I don’t think it is. I really don’t even drink often, and when I do, it is never much at all…I don’t think that’s it. I think that it is the utter freedom I have right now, to make whatever decision I want to, at any time I wish. I don’t have this whole set of “suggestions” in the back of my head to guide me, and I don’t need them.

It’s not that important to me, but it’s not something I am ready to give up, either. It is something I am thinking about. I’m thinking really hard about it. Because maybe it’s not about me, and what I want to do. Maybe it’s about the needs of others, and it’s a small sacrifice I can make of myself so that I can be there to help. I haven’t decided yet, but I will let you know when I do. 

Have a wonderful day. 

 

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Posted in family, kids, Life, Uncategorized

Politically Correct is Pure Crap and Common Sense is Dead, 1.

I was emailing a friend of mine today and I briefly touched on how Southerners are portrayed as well-mannered and discreet, while over here on the west coast, we are fake and politically correct. This is a sore subject for me, and I think it ties right into my observation that common sense is dead and gone, and the whole world is turning into a bunch of retarded pussies. If I haven’t offended you yet, you’ll probably be okay…

So, when I was a little girl starting kindergarten, it was 1980. I grew up in Fresno, CA. (shut up, I don’t live there now and I had no choice, I was FIVE.) which is not only NOT the friendliest town on earth, but has now evolved into, like, the murder capital of the world or some shit. But I digress- it was and probably is a city that seems to be filled primarily with people that are working, middle class of all varieties, a lot of people barely scraping by, and a lot who are just downright poverty stricken. We vacillated through most of those statuses while I was a kid there. The thing is, though, there was a rhythm to our lives- not just mine, but pretty much everyone in general. We all sat down for dinner together every night, at the table. We didn’t get up to gab on the phone mid-bite, unless we wanted to get our asses kicked. There were no cell phones, but if there had been, you wouldn’t have had one for long if you tried texting under the table. There were RULES. If we didn’t follow them, there were CONSEQUENCES.  After dinner, I did the dishes. If my mom told me to clean my room, I didn’t have the option of saying “NO.” Well, I had the option- and she had the option of slapping the shit out of me. I would not have DREAMED of calling the cops on my mom for it, either! Not unless I planned on leaving the state before she got back home, anyway.

Somewhere between 1980 and today, which isn’t all that long, really, shit has changed. And even though the changes are supposed to level the playing field and promote kindness and offend people less, as usual, it’s just completely gotten out of hand. Kids have always been bad in their way, but now they are seriously like little wild animals that no one is brave enough to train. There are no consequences for acting up anymore- unless you count the teachers who get their asses reamed for “singling out and humiliating” a child who NEEDS to be disciplined. If they have a mood, they take a pill. If they can’t or won’t pay attention or sit still, they take another pill. When they go out for sports, they all make the team, even if they suck. When they lose, they still get trophies. They won’t even really hold children back a grade when they are failing miserably in school. So what the fuck is the point of any of this stuff, then, anymore? How are these kids supposed to be prepared in any way, shape, or form for what is quite probably going to be waiting for them when they finally make it out of their parent’s home and into the real world? Easy. They never leave…OR, they get a job in Corporate America where there is just about nothing you can do to be fired, no matter how obvious it is that you ought to be.

Before I get into that, though, I want to mention one thing- I really, really believe that parents need to be able to beat their kids’ asses when necessary. I think it depends on the kid and it depends on the reason, and it depends, also, on your ability to not kill someone. Also, the age of the kid is a factor. I am not promoting abuse, not at all- but there is a difference between letting your child know that if they fuck up, they will have a welted ass before the day is through and taking out your own frustrations on an innocent kid. There is nothing wrong with your child being a little afraid of you, for the right reasons. There is something wrong if your kid flinches every time you move your arms- maybe ease up a little, mama! But if your kid would rather look like a sissy in front of his friends and NOT do something stupid, illegal or dangerous because he knows if he does and he gets caught, you will slap his face off his head, how is that BAD? That is your sole purpose as a parent- to try to turn out a human being who might possibly contribute to society someday. Trust me, you are NOT your child’s friend. Your kid does NOT tell you everything. Your kid is blowing so much smoke up your ass if you believe that, that I feel bad for you. You have to trust me on this, as I am learning the hard way- your kid is an asshole, just like you were at that age. You should stop what you are doing and go slap them right now, even if they are sleeping, just to get a feel for it. Okay, don’t do that. But look around you at the kids running around that are just spoiled brats who think everything should be handed to them on a silver platter (because it has been, duh.) and tell me honestly that the way we are doing things is working out. I have one of those kids, I know what I’m saying, man.  I did not do my job and now I’m suffering and she will probably be, too, in the years ahead.

Man, I didn’t even get to the main thing I wanted to talk about and this is already LONG. I’m going to have to make it a two parter, Sorry guys. I need to hit the sack!