I woke up this morning with the three things I wanted to write about already in my head- unfortunately, as often happens, they have completely disappeared. For all I know, they were stupid things anyway that only seemed to make sense because I was half asleep. That’s kind of how my early morning thoughts generally are- they seem brilliant until I’ve had a cup of coffee, and then I’m like “What the fuck? That is utter nonsense!” Too bad I can’t remember what they were, they might have been good for a laugh. Anyway, I have at least two I can share…maybe the third will reveal itself as I go. Here goes:
- Depression. Can we talk about this for a minute? It often feels to me as if I am constantly on the cusp of slipping into depression, or just over the line into it, and struggling to either keep myself away or get myself all the way out. This week has been extra bad in that respect, and I hate it. I wake up every day with the intention of trying harder, doing better, getting more done, but the fact of it is…when you are truly feeling depressed, it’s very hard to accomplish much. Or anything, really. I think…I think I might be dealing with this the wrong way. I want so badly to just snap out of it through exercise or positive thinking, or even desperate prayer. I don’t have TIME to be depressed. I have shit to do. I don’t have any reason to be depressed, either. My life is good. Well guess what? That’s not how depression operates, and it doesn’t care how good your life is, what your schedule looks like, or if you have time. Much as I hate to admit it, it might be time to talk to someone about this. Sorry for being a bummer.
- March. It’s freaking MARCH already. I love spring, and would be pretty excited if I wasn’t feeling particularly shitty this morning. Also, it’s pouring down rain here right now, which we need so badly in California, but also, I feel like the weather is mocking me. I’ve decided that for the month of March, I will go mostly meatless. That’s my theme for the month- Mostly Meatless March. I say mostly because I’m scared. I’ve never tried to go without meat for an entire month, and I might forget, or freak out. I’m going to really try, though, to be a vegetarian for a month and see how it feels. Who knows? Maybe I’ll love it! Maybe I’ll lose twenty pounds! Maybe I’ll go vegan, and talk about only that for the rest of my life! (Note: this will never happen. I love butter and cheese WAY too much).
- Well, Camryn just gave me my third thing. She just stumbled out of bed, with her hair standing up straight, and her cheeks all flushed. “What are you doing up?” I asked her, looking at the clock which read 5:49, “It’s way too early!” “The cat woke me up.” She said, climbing into my lap.”She had her arms around my neck.” “Oh, she was giving you a hug.” I replied, giving her a hug of my own. “Yeah, or she was trying to secretly strangle me.” I laughed so hard, you guys- this is an ongoing thing in this house. Our girl cat, Rose, adores Camryn, but you know how cats show affection…sometimes they get a little mean about it. They get so wound up when you pet them that they scratch you, or knead you a little too hard. Camryn is convinced that the cat is trying to kill her. Sometimes she’ll scream for me from the other room to help her, and I run in to see what is wrong, expecting blood or broken bones, only to find a little girl with a cat lying peacefully in her lap. “She’s starting to scare me!” Camryn will whisper. Wouldn’t it be awful if the cat really was being a maniac, but every time I walked in the room she acted all sweet and innocent? Maybe I should install cameras. 🙂
Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I hope you have the best day possible under whatever circumstances you are dealing with. I certainly intend to. Talk to you soon!
I tried, I really did, to get this thing written last night, but…unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control ( it was after seven in the evening, and I had eaten peanut butter pie after dinner) I just wasn’t able to form any type of cohesive sentence-like structures for this blog. It’s a little before five now, so I might not do much better, but I am going to take a shot. Here goes:
- This has been a weird week. My schedule got screwed up, being basically on quarantine with my sick kid, and I have learned that I am highly dependent on my routine to maintain my sanity. I don’t know when this started- I mean, I lived a life that was the very opposite of “routine” for most of my years on earth, and suddenly, a few days are a little different, and it’s enough to take me down. I want so badly to be the kind of person who just goes with the flow, but I guess that just isn’t who I am. I have to try a little harder- or at least it feels that way to me- than most people to maintain my equilibrium. I often wish I were different…but you know what would also be cool? Being totally okay with who I know myself to be. That would be refreshing! Also, Cam is fine- she had a little cold, aggravated by some seasonal allergies, and now she is good as new.
- I wrote a post this week that I am really proud of. I don’t usually do this on my “Three Things” blog, but I am going to this week- if you haven’t checked it out already, I would love for you to. You can find it here . The truth of the matter is, when you are trying to maintain a blog with regular posts, you want to write from the heart all the time, but it can be hard. Sometimes, you just can’t access the deep stuff, it’s just not where you are at. Or sometimes, you are in a funny mood, or just need to share something mundane. But every once in a while, you write something that really means something, and that happened for me the other day. My journey in life isn’t ALL about recovery from drugs, but it is a huge part of my story, and I want to share it with the people who might need to see it. So there it is.
- Valentine’s Day happened this week, and I didn’t mention it at all. Mostly because…well, why would I? I have SERIOUS issues surrounding romantic relationships, and overall, Valentine’s Day is just not my thing. But it’s hard not to feel a tiny bit left out when Instagram is basically flooded with lovey-dovey posts and pictures of happy couples. I’m not completely dead inside- I do remember what it’s like to feel that way, and I miss it sometimes. So, by Valentine’s evening, I was feeling a bit…deflated, you might say. Well, my ex showed up with balloons and a card for me, from my daughter, and I thought that was really nice. He also got me a vaguely threatening coffee mug that says “Family is Forever”, but I’ll give him a pass. I’m sure he didn’t mean to freak me out.
And that is it- those are my three things for this week! I will be back here one day this weekend to share something brilliant (or mediocre, maybe) and I hope you all have a fantastic and quick Friday.
In an attempt to highlight the more awesome parts of my life, I thought my three things this week should be happy things. So here goes:
- I made my daughter cinnamon rolls this morning. I mean, I didn’t make them from scratch or anything, but she was certainly impressed. All I did was open the can (which, as most of us will agree, canned breads of any type are TERRIFYING to open!) and pop them in the oven, but she was beyond excited about the treat. Which made me feel great, and was just an all around awesome way to start the day. I really needed that this week.
- The weather here has been gorgeous this week! I mean, I live on the Monterey Peninsula, so even at its worst, it’s still pretty fantastic, but when the sun is shining here…it’s just unbelievable. Seriously, some Disney Princess weather we’ve been having. Birds singing, poor confused little flowers popping up everywhere, little white butterflies. It’s hard to be glum when mother nature is showing off like she has been. I mean, I can do it, but it takes a lot of work.
- My Facebook Fast in January seems to have worked. I think I actually broke its toxic hold on me. I can get on there, but I don’t have to get on there, and I certainly don’t do it 500 times a day. Maybe once or twice, tops, and I am not posting hourly. I was really out of control…it has left a bit of a hole in my life, though, I’m not going to lie. Facebook gives you the feeling that you have a very busy social life, when in fact, all you’ve got is a busy social network. Those two things are not at all the same. I am trying hard to connect on a more personal level, but it really is going to take time, I think. And I am okay with that. Quality over quantity, for sure.
So there you have it! My three things for the week. I hope the idea of Friday coming up quick is cheering you up, and that you, like me, have a three day weekend coming up! Yay for three day weekends! Definitely in my top 100 favorite things.
I know, I know- I’m super late with this post today. Heck, it’s almost my bedtime, decrepit old thing that I am. But seriously, I am in a HEATED Fitbit challenge right now, currently holding the lead, by a hair, in two very serious battles. Well, actually, I am 14,000 steps ahead in one, so that one is pretty much in the bag, but the other one is anyone’s guess. Which is pretty bad considering I am giving it everything I’ve got and barely winning. Anyway, forgive me, I digress. I am tired as hell.
Alright, let’s get on with this, shall we?
- Mommy confession: I freaking hate homework. I’m so glad my first grader only gets one page a night, but to be honest, even that is a bit much for me at times. “For you?” you may be saying to yourself, “But isn’t it your child’s homework?” To which I would answer “Do you have or even know any children?” Homework is a family disease. And furthermore, I think it is mean spirited and cruel to send a child home with more work to do…if my boss asked me to take work home after hours, I would laugh and laugh…and then say “Hell NO.” And perhaps add, more quietly, “I don’t have time. I have math to do. Cam does, I mean.”
- I have had a really productive, good week. Some time opened up for me unexpectedly yesterday and today- meaning the plans I had fell through, and I couldn’t be happier. I got the house picked up, making it easier to exist in, and I got to sit down and play Uno with Cam last night, and we read together. That’s the kind of stuff that makes me feel like my life is actually working. Running around every night like a chicken with my head cut off is (please forgive me for the terrible pun that is coming) for the birds. I’m a little punchy this evening.
- I want to share with you guys how I am entertaining myself lately (besides the bad jokes, I mean) First of all, I have been binge listening to a podcast called Jim Harold’s Campfire, and it’s a wide range of really interesting ghost stories, visitations from the other side, cryptid’s, and odd happenings, told by the people they happened to. I am really enjoying it. I have been watching “The Last Man on Earth” On Hulu, and it is laugh out loud funny. And I have been reading the Throne of Glass series for months now…such great world building and beautiful writing. I highly recommend all three.
That might have been longer than 15 minutes today. I forgot to look. Oh well. Have a great night!
It’s Thursday, and you must know by now what that means! I give myself 15 minutes to write about whatever it is I feel like writing about (not including the time I spend googling images to attach to this blog, or the time it takes to think up good tags!) Here are my 3 Things for today:
- I was just nominated for an award- The Blogger Appreciation Award, to be precise, by the nonalcoholic student blog, which I have tried and failed to link to here. I will have to get back to that, because, after all, I really only have 15 lousy minutes. I am so technologically challenged, it’s kind of amazing I can blog at all. Thank goodness WordPress makes it easy. Anyway, I am going to graciously fulfill the instructions for accepting this award later, but it feels awfully good to be appreciated. 🙂
- I have been writing my ass off- I am super excited to share with you that I have been chosen to contribute content to an upcoming recovery site, with regular contributions to their blog about parenting in recovery. Something I happen to know quite a bit about. So, while I may not have been quite as prolific here as I have been in previous weeks, I am indeed writing lots of stuff, and I will be posting links to their site and my writing as soon as it is up and running, next month. This is really thrilling for me, and I can’t tell you how much it means to me! Especially because I am down to like seven minutes now.
- And finally, I am going through some deep changes in my life lately, and I can’t help but think that the catalyst for this was me distancing myself from Facebook. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true! Letting go of one thing has led to me letting go of several other things that were really weighing me down, and I feel better than I have in years. I think I may be kind of streamlining my life. I will be posting a blog that goes more in-depth about that very, very soon. So look for it!
That’s all the time I have today, kids! I hope to be catching up on some blog reading today, and I want all of you to know how much I enjoy the little glimpses I get into your lives. I hope I provide the same feeling for you. Have a beautiful day!
As my daughter sits here, eating cereal more slowly than a sloth, I figure I have 15 minutes to do my weekly list. Here are 3 things on my mind this morning:
- I am really enjoying WordPress right now. I find new blogs to follow every day, and it is exciting…I have to remember not to get caught up in the rat-race mentality. The purpose of my blog, really, which started out as a way to keep me accountable on my quest to better myself as I grew older, morphed into a sort of journal, and finally became a way for me to talk about my addiction and recovery- that is the purpose of my blog. I do care about “likes” and “follows”, of course I do. But at the end of the day, if each blog finds its way to one person who needs to see it, if one person feels like maybe there is hope after reading my words- that’s really what this is about for me. When I remember that, I enjoy this whole experience a LOT more. I might even do a list of my favorite blogs soon, if I can get my shit together enough to do it.
- This past week has been rough for me. I have been trying hard to take care of myself, but I consistently bite off more than I can chew, and it hit me this morning that I need to remember that I am trying to enjoy my life. If the things I am doing are making me miserable, I am not doing it right. It’s great to have goals, but it’s important to pay attention to the way you feel while you are out pursuing them- if it feels like shit, knock it off. I’m not saying give up the minute things get hard, but if you are really unhappy, you probably aren’t on the right track. That’s where I’m at, anyway.
- And finally, my favorite Podcast this week is Two Girls, one Ghost. If you like spooky stories, you are going to binge the F%#K out of this one. I am a huge fan. Those girls make my workday bearable. If you are into podcasts and like ghosts, black eyed children, etc., you will enjoy them immensely. Check them out!
Last week, on Wednesday, I made a post where I gave myself 15 minutes to write out three random things I wanted to talk about- it was super fun, AND it helps me keep my sometimes (okay, pretty much always) lengthy blogs to a reasonable length. I think this might become a thing I do. Anyway, here goes:
- What I am Pondering: If you die, is it still your birthday? This has been bugging me all day, as today would have been (is?) my friend Joe’s birthday. He passed away in August, and he’s obviously been on my mind even more than usual today, which is saying something. So, happy birthday to you, Joseph, on the other side. I just heard that on that good old “other side” we are all eternally 30. I think, if this is true, Joe is very happy there indeed.
- Life Tweaks: In all the excitement of planning out my busy time of emergence from the cocoon I’ve been living in for the past year, I forgot all about the fact that I’m kind of an introvert- a very extroverted introvert, yes, but an introvert nonetheless. What this means is that I do like being with and around people, but it is also exhausting and overwhelming for me, and I need time to recharge. I did not account for this, but have added a place in my schedule for just the sort of slacking that I need. I am calling it “Do Nothing Thursday”, and may extend it to part of one weekend day. I’m going to see how it goes. The only thing I will be scheduling on Thursdays will be couch time and Travel Channel.
- What I am listening to right now: I had a colleague tell me about a podcast she heard of called “By the Book”, and it is hilarious- two women pick a self-help book and live exactly by its rules for two weeks, then report back. I’d go more into it except I am running out of time. Check into it, it’s great!