Posted in adventure, family, Holidays, inner peace, kids, Life, living, mindfulness, parenting, random, travel

Quick Post

As I wait for Cam to thoroughly wet her hair in the shower so that I can come and wash it for her (we are working towards her doing it on her own, but if I want her to smell like a human child rather than a wet dog, for now, the work must be done by me), I thought I would drop by with a few tidbits. Yes, it takes her that long to get her hair wet. Don’t get me started on how frustrating it is, raising a child who has two speeds- slow, and stopped. She gets that from her dad, for sure.

Anyway, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it recently, but my trip to Maine is almost upon me! We leave Friday afternoon for an overnight in the city, and fly out of SF early Saturday morning. This will be Cam’s first flight ever, so I’m a little nervous about that- I sincerely hope it doesn’t freak her out. I’m not much of a brave flyer myself, so if she falls apart, I’m in trouble. Actually, I’ll probably find myself becoming very calm if she is upset, as mothers often do, but still…I hope she loves it. That would be ideal.

I left my house exactly twice this weekend, and on one of the outings, I braved the bathing suit section at Target. I did what I always do, despite my many promises to never do it again, and bought a bathing suit, a pair of shorts, and a top, without trying any of them on. This is such a bad idea. Especially when you factor in the part where it is nearly impossible to get me to Target in the first place, let alone to go back and return or exchange something. Anyway, the shopping Gods were smiling on me this time. The suit not only fits, but it’s super flattering, and the shorts and top worked out well, too. So, after my stuff, Cam’s ton of new stuff (she’s grown yet another size in the past few months), dog food, cat food, and travel size items to take with us, I was out about three hundred dollars. Not that I expected anything less.

I’m getting excited about this trip! I’m meeting my mom there, and we should have a great time, fingers crossed. I cannot wait to see Maine, finally! I just wish I could skip the flights and be there without all the hassle.

Anyway, the last thing…I did something kind of weird yesterday. I got in bed in the afternoon, right after a bath, and I made a conscious decision to do absolutely nothing. I mean, no TV, no music, no phone, no ANYTHING. I wasn’t even trying to meditate. I honestly can’t remember the last time I spent 15 minutes in utter, total stillness. The things your mind will do when you give it no material to work with! My God! My thoughts were doing the River Dance, the Can-Can, and all sorts of acrobatics trying to get my attention. I just tried to stay out of it. It’s not easy to do nothing.

Eventually though, for probably less than a minute, I experienced complete and total silence. The house was silent, my thoughts were silent…did you know that silence actually has a sound? It is almost like the low hum of electricity, except it’s in your ears. I don’t know why I wanted to do that- I wasn’t trying to accomplish anything. It’s just…it isn’t often that I’m not trying to accomplish something, even if it’s just watching a show on TV. I just wanted to see if I could do it, I guess. Wanted to know if I could sit with myself, how it would feel.

It felt nice. You should try it sometime.

Okay, I better go see what she is doing. This is ridiculous.

Posted in anxiety, family, friendship, fun, happiness, inner peace, Life, Mental Health, People, random

Unexpectedly Good

So, I’m going to have to make this quick- I just looked at my watch and realized with horror that it’s already after 6! This time change has me all screwed up, as usual. Anyway, I had an unexpectedly good weekend- a big deal, considering how hard things have been for me lately, at least internally. I wrote a few other blog posts this weekend that I did not end up publishing. Maybe someday I will, but I’ve made the unusual decision to keep certain things in my life private. I know that is out of character for me, but I think it’s a good idea. See? I CAN change.

Friday night, I drove to a neighboring town to pick up my eldest daughter. She had a photo shoot the next morning that I was supposed to go to with her. We drove home, and the two of us spent the evening watching a documentary about the Black Dahlia murder (She’s a true crime junkie like her mama) and eating steak with cauliflower and broccoli that we picked from the backyard garden. We had some good talks and it was just pleasant- one of those really great times that you hope for but can never predict.

Saturday morning, she realized she’d forgotten her clothes for the shoot and we didn’t have time to go get them, so ultimately, the shoot was cancelled. I did not allow myself to get all worked up about this, as it was not my problem, even though I had many, many opinions about how it might have been handled differently. Instead of going on a modeling shoot, we rearranged my bedroom together, cleaning along the way. Unfortunately, I don’t love the way it feels sleeping with my bed in this new direction, so I might have to move it again, but this is a big deal. I NEVER move my furniture around.

Saturday night, I met up with a friend of mine and her huge family for her birthday dinner at Benihana. I was nervous about hanging out with a bunch of people I didn’t know… I don’t know why. I forgot who I am, I guess. I had a ball. Every time I go out, just about, I have the time of my life. I made it home by ten, was asleep by 10:30. It was awesome.

Yesterday, the rain stopped for long enough that we could do our beach walk in Carmel with the dogs (I say dogs because I talked my daughter into leaving her Chihuahua with me for a while so I could take her to the vet and get her teeth looked at). It had been over two weeks since I’d been to the beach, and that is far too long! I need my outside time.

After that, we came home, I did some housework, and then I made dinner for us and my friend Cinamon and her daughter. I made a yummy veggie stew and also homemade macaroni and cheese for the kids. She brought bread and parm so we could have garlic bread, and we spent the evening talking and watching “oddly satisfying” videos on YouTube with the kids.

It wasn’t the most interesting or adventurous weekend, but it was just what my little anxiety riddled heart needed. I don’t want to jinx myself, but I feel like things are on the upswing. I really, really hope so.

Hope you had a fun weekend, too. I need to get ready for my day!

Posted in Blogging, family, happiness, home, inner peace, Life, mindfulness, motherhood, Musings, People, random, women

So Much Good Stuff

Sunrise on Saturday morning from my front porch

I want to give a little run-down of my weekend, but of course, I’ve waited too long to write and now I have no time left.

I ended my Friday night with selfies with my cat, Frankenstein.

Suffice to say, I had the loveliest of weekends. Why, you ask? Well, on this particular weekend, there were several factors that added up to contribute to the loveliness. One of the things is that I have gotten quite comfortable with my daughter being off with her dad from Friday evening until late Saturday afternoon, so I can really enjoy my time alone. And this weekend, it really was time alone- I went to bed at like 7:30 Friday night, slept like a log, woke up in the morning, did some writing, meditated, basically…I did whatever felt good to me in that moment.

My screamin’ soup with way too much garlic bread. Yum. I miss that soup already.

I made a big pot of soup which I shared with my ex when he brought Cam home, and if we did anything exciting Saturday night, I can’t recall what it was right now. Sunday morning, I got up early, did all the same things I did Saturday except I added in my weekly “luxury bath” where I dump in dead-sea minerals and essential oils, glop on a face mask and soak until my skin prunes up. Ahh. Not too shabby. Around 10 or so, I woke Camryn up and we headed to Carmel beach to walk Lucy, stopping at the best donut store on the planet first for a massive bag of donut holes.

Cam, in free-fall

Carmel beach on Sundays is kind of our new thing. You can let your dogs roam freely on this beach, and it is truly dog paradise. There are at least 50 dogs- probably more, just running around, sniffing each other’s asses. God, I’m glad I’m not a dog. Anyway, if you are ever out this way and need a dog fix, this is the place for you. Seriously. Camryn just lost her freaking mind when she saw a Basset Hound yesterday. I think she might have scared the dog a little, but in all fairness, it’s pretty easy to have a dog-related meltdown when you are surrounded by that much fur and happiness. I had a similar reaction last weekend brought on by a Newfoundland. They are just incredible.

The Newfoundland that made me lose my shit.
Just a surfer, and a breathtaking view. No big deal.

So, we took a healthy stroll before heading home. Once we arrived home, I took a short nap, and after getting out of bed around 2:30, I had some coffee and started kicking ASS. I cleaned house for a solid two hours, tackling things that I’d had no intention of getting into when I’d started. After things were neat enough, I did my second day of the 30 day Yoga with Adrien challenge on YouTube, and let me tell you- she is GREAT. I am really liking this whole yoga thing, much to my surprise.

Cam and I worked together to finish her homework packet after dinner, and she was SO proud of herself for figuring out her math (thank God she did, because this new math is freaking confusing) and I showed her how to check it with my calculator- with every right answer, she was more pleased with herself. Finally, after a quick trip to the store, it was time for her bath and reading.

At the end of it all, in her fresh jammies, with her hair in a bun, she said “Well, mom- for once I finally accomplished something.” I know she meant her homework, and of course it wasn’t the first time she’s ever finished it…but it might have been the first time she did it and felt proud of her work. I know how good that feeling is. I’m glad she got to experience that feeling- I was feeling it too last night. That sense of accomplishment that comes when you strike a good balance in your day. Just enough play, just enough work.

My future home. Seriously, is this out of control or what? What a view they must have!

I had a huge sense of accomplishment when I went off to bed last night. It has carried over into this morning, and I hope it bodes well for the week. Happy Monday! Get out there and kick some ass!