Waking Up Angry

Seriously, is there anything worse?

Well, it happened to me twice in a row, in one eight hour stretch. Yesterday, I spent the day in San Francisco with my two best friends. I love them both dearly, but what unfailingly happens when all three of us hang out together for any length of time, is I start to get seriously annoyed. The drive up was fine, it was just Grace and I, so no issues.

We get to Vera’s new place and almost the first words out of her mouth are “Do you want a drink?” Which automatically puts me on edge- I was never a big drinker, anyway, and one of my LEAST favorite things to do is hang out with people who are buzzed when I am not. Now, it is like, one in the afternoon and I am just NOT into middle of the day-drinking- friends, you feel me? But whatever, I am still fine.

Fast forward what seems like a million hours and fifty seven thousand thrift shops, one lunch and one gay bar later, and I am just GRUMPY. Don’t get me wrong, I had a fun day, but I wanted to do a lot more than we did, which was basically look for Halloween costumes for them. I wanted to go to some book stores. I wanted to poke around in some different kinds of shops than the ones we ended up in. Add to this that I ate french fries with my lunch ( the first fried anything I’ve eaten in weeks) and had a stomach ache, and all of my previous thoughts about spending the night were GONE. I wanted to go home. Honestly, I think my two favorite parts of the day were meeting the elderly couple that Vera cares for, Bob and Virginia, and trying to take a picture with all three of us that didn’t suck. All the shopping in between was…eh.

Still, it was a typical day with the three of us, and that was nice- that we can spend so much time apart and then be as grumpy with each other as ever as soon as we are together. I left them both feeling content…and exhausted.

I arrived home so tired I could barely move, to a house full of people. At least two teenagers who are not mine, and then the one who is, and the baby, and the boyfriend. I was starving to death, having only eaten two crab cakes and a hand full of fries the entire day (Who goes to SF and doesn’t EAT? Only idiots who spend the entire day in thrift shops, that’s who.) but I was too tired to eat anything except four triscuits and some hummus. The kids went to McDonalds with Devon, which only made me more upset- I am trying so hard to be junk food free, and I wanted a burger with every fiber of my being. But I did not give in.

What I did do was yell at Aisley about ten minutes into a deep sleep for waking me up to ask me for…something…oh, my keys, so they could go to McDonalds. Then again, at Devon, about forty five minutes into the next deep sleep for leaving the baby home with me without telling me WHILE I was sleeping. Then again, at three F*****G thirty in the morning, when I had to get up to tell Aisley to GO TO BED, and “NO, you can’t take your medication now, you will never wake up for school!”. Then again, at about four, at Devon, because he was sleeping on the couch AGAIN. I finally threw the towel in at 4:58, and just got up. I did yell a little bit more at Devon for STILL being asleep on the couch, but in all fairness, who would want to sleep with a chick who keeps yelling at everyone?

There is this little acronym in NA, HALT- Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I’m pretty sure these are all things you are supposed to avoid being, or not say anything when you are any of those things or something. I realized this morning that I am all of them.

I am offering myself a little solution, though…I will eat something, Let it go, cuddle with my BF on the couch, and go back to sleep. Maybe I’ll feel better when I wake up.