Hi. I have been a bad blogger, again. I really don’t have time to tell you about my sad backslide over the holidays, or how I made a spectacular mess of spending meaningful time with my friends and family over that two week stretch of chaos we call “Christmas”. I would tell you that I did the best I could, but I am not sure that would be 100% honesty. I limped through it.
Now, I am back to reality. I have to go take a shower to get all of the sand out of my hair that my daughter threw into it at the beach yesterday. I have to get ready to show up for a job that I think I may require pharmaceutical help to make it through, and this is of some concern to me. The bigger issue is- I don’t know what the hell else I want to do, other than write, and I am clearly not very consistent with that either. The only other thing I can think of is that I would love to be an herb specialist, and own an apothecary, but how realistic is that? I still use coffeemate in my coffee, for Pete’s sake, and I don’t even do yoga with much conviction. I am pretty sure that is a job requirement for such an endeavor.
Anyway, I have been waking up, for three days now, to full on anxiety attacks, and this is not like me. I am struggling, to say the least, and I do get tired of saying those words. I am on a waiting list to do a mental health retreat type thing, to maybe figure out, for real, what the hell it is that is going on with me. I don’t care if you know, I don’t feel like hiding anything. Life is too short to feel the way I keep finding myself feeling, and I don’t know what the answer is…but I am certainly not ready to stop looking.
I am hanging in there. I have faith that it will all work out- because it really always does. That is all for now, I need to get this sand out of my hair. Have the loveliest day you are capable of having. I know I will.