Check- In Time

Hi. I have been a bad blogger, again. I really don’t have time to tell you about my sad backslide over the holidays, or how I made a spectacular mess of spending meaningful time with my friends and family over that two week stretch of chaos we call “Christmas”. I would tell you that I did the best I could, but I am not sure that would be 100% honesty. I limped through it.

Now, I am back to reality. I have to go take a shower to get all of the sand out of my hair that my daughter threw into it at the beach yesterday. I have to get ready to show up for a job that I think I may require pharmaceutical help to make it through, and this is of some concern to me. The bigger issue is- I don’t know what the hell else I want to do, other than write, and I am clearly not very consistent with that either. The only other thing I can think of is that I would love to be an herb specialist, and own an apothecary, but how realistic is that? I still use coffeemate in my coffee, for Pete’s sake, and I don’t even do yoga with much conviction. I am pretty sure that is a job requirement for such an endeavor.

Anyway, I have been waking up, for three days now, to full on anxiety attacks, and this is not like me. I am struggling, to say the least, and I do get tired of saying those words. I am on a waiting list to do a mental health retreat type thing, to maybe figure out, for real, what the hell it is that is going on with me. I don’t care if you know, I don’t feel like hiding anything. Life is too short to feel the way I keep finding myself feeling, and I don’t know what the answer is…but I am certainly not ready to stop looking.

I am hanging in there. I have faith that it will all work out- because it really always does. That is all for now, I need to get this sand out of my hair. Have the loveliest day you are capable of having. I know I will.

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5 thoughts on “Check- In Time

  1. Christmas is the emotional equivalent of running through a military assault course under live ammunition. Just be glad you got through it, you’ll be able to start blogging again soon.

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  2. Hi! With love in my heart and no judgement I offer a suggestion since you don’t know what else to do. Try for 30 days going to a meeting each day at least one time. See if the anxiety attacks stop. See if you’re outlook and patience with your job until you make a change improves. If it doesn’t – it doesn’t. But if it does . . . .

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  3. As you know, the only thing you can really depend on is that things change. It’s the waiting that is so aggravating. ( this is when the music starts and Little Orphan Annie belts out “Tomorrow”. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cathy

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